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| Hi!!
Long time no see my fellow xanga-ers. I have long since retired from this blogsite but I'm still bloggin'
Come visit me!!
http://www.cynthia-chung.blogspot.com/
:)
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| Honestly, i would have kept this on PRIVATE. but, i decided to share it because maybe it'll be some sort of testimony to you? who knows.. you dont have to read it if it gets boring or watever.. haha
I went on FBCs 12th winter retreat this past weekend. It was phenomenal. I have to say, things have changed drastically since I was in High school. So this was the team of serving. It was, Tony and Connie doing as the retreat coodinators, I was the worship team coodinator along with Leo, and Kelly and Justis did registration. I cant believe how much we did this year. I think we've come a long way.. who'd of thunk that us punk kids would be in our 20s now, and serving so much? It was pretty amazing.
Well, on my part. For the worship team, it was me+alan(guitars) leo+jeddy(vocals), jeff (bass), justis (drums), thomas (violin), joy (piano). It was hands down amazing. The first session, which was led by Jeddy was a little hard.. it seemed as no one was really into it.. and i was feeling pretty dejected after the first time.. but the second session, I led.. and it was amazing!! My string popped during it.. but it was great.. because even though so many things went wrong.. my team kept on.. it was like, we were so used to working with each other that it just flowed so well. On Sunday, Leo led.. and that was amazing-er.. (each session just got better and better..) and everyone singing, everyone was lifting up their hands.. it was beautiful.. i felt God. I FELT HIS spirit.. it was just amazing. Then for Monday morning, it was Alan's session. That was the best session (in my opinion).. well, we were feeling all very tired, and sick, and didnt even practice his session.. but we went up there, and it was just.. history. We were singing, praising, the whole congregation singing, raising their hands.. and Alan.. just breaks down. He began crying.. it was SO SO random.. he started crying and i had to cover for him since he stopped playing guitar. It was simply amazing.. i wanted to cry so badly too.. but we just kept on.. and it was just so amazing and heart felt.. even so many things were unplanned, we covered it so well,.. that is what i love so much about my team.. we work so well together.. it's like God put us together for a reason. it was literally the best praise fbc has ever led, and ever been a part of.
Let me tell you why I worship. When i was younger, I went to praise nights, and i FELT His spirit. I loved feeling His spirit, and I wanted to evoke that same feeling to others. That's why i decided to learn guitar, and lead praise.. hoping that one day I would achieve this .. i guess.. ministry? I never saw myself as someone to speak apologetics with people.. personally i just feel as though it's extremely hard to tell people about Jesus.. i mean.. words can only mean so much.. I'm more of a "feeling" type person.. which is why i want to use music.. to allow people to FEEL jesus.. feel him that it's almost impossible to even think he's NOT there! And I think that this retreat finally allowed me to realize that I have reached a new point. I reached the point that God was building me for.. I mean, maybe its just round one? But I was told something really amazing before Alan's session. While Alan and I was sitting together before the last session, we were doing devotions together, and we spent a long time in prayer.. after we prayed.. Greg came and joined us, and he told me something really, really amazing. It broke my heart. It opened my eyes-and I think it changed me. It gave me hope beyond anything. He told me that, a few young girls in the congregation.. they had told Greg that they were completely atheist.. never had any thoughts about any God or anything like that.. well, after worship,. they told Greg that they felt something.. that they had started to believe that something was there. That WOWed me. It's like, wow, can you believe something as little as praise could evoke so much? He is THAT powerful!!! And it amazes me that He would use me to be a part of his army.. His people.. to minister. I started crying when i heard this..it had touched me. I feel like God really spoke to me at this retreat. He was telling me that all we had worked so hard for (the worship team) was not in vain.. our practicing, our praying, our bonding.. it was for a reason. The reason is to worship God and to bring his people to see His GLORY.
I think this was the biggest thing that God had taught me in going to this retreat. The messages were great- dont get me wrong. I listened to everything Ted Kau said and taught, however, I feel like my biggest calling was in serving. God has something in store for me.. honestly I dont know what it is.. but I feel it. And Ted Kau's message on "listening to the evil heart".. well that actually plays a large role in what I am thinking of also. What is my heart telling me? Is my heart in tune with God's heart? I think this is something I have to really figure out..
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| Ah Zangar. How long it's been since I've written an entry with real substance.
I'm having a bit of trouble falling asleep. I think I'm just really nervous to embark on my evil Monday. It's going to be terrible. I have to shoot in the studios at 8AM, then pray I finish by 1030AM, then go to class, then go to work until 6PM, then go to class again.
I laid down in bed at 12AM.. and I couldn't fall asleep, so I decided to
take a look at my old xanga entries, even further back til my old
account of "tifatifa". It's hilarious how immature I used to be. The
way I used to type, speak and act-gah.. I am so embarassed!! Thank God no
one has access to those entries but myself.
I cant believe I'm 21.
It's starting to dawn on me.. full-fledged-style. It feels like I was just 15 like a few months ago, dreaming about movie stars, fantasizing about the 'dream job'. But here I am now, more than halfway finished with my college education and obviously nervous about where I'm going to be in the next 5 years. Honestly, I have to say, I'm pretty amazed at myself for how much I've grown, learned and gained understanding in the experiences that I've been through. Transferring colleges was one of the biggest and most difficult decisions of my life, but I feel as though it was the best one.
It's true what they say about how the longer you live, the more wise you become. It's also pretty damn scary. I feel like, the older you get, the more hope you lose. I see it in myself. I used to be SO full of hope, dreams and determination.. but.. I seem to be losing a lot of it now. There is no doubt, i still have utter faith in myself to become a successful photographer- however it just seems so much more daunting now, and the stark reality of what my life will be like in the near future is beginning to surface. This doesnt mean I'm giving up.
So hey, where will you be in 5 years?
On a happier note, I was accepted into the Kanazawa Institute of Tech (Sister school of RIT in Japan). I'll be studying abroad this Summer (free ride!) in Japan! :) Jun4 - July18th !!
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I feel empty. I feel dry. At this point in time, I am now realizing what I am missing. My relationship with Him hasnt been the strongest these past few weeks and I am severely paying for it now. He's taught me that I have to keep him constantly at the top of my priority list. I need to learn to allow myself to be weak, to be vulnerable, to be his child.
I'm so scared. I'm such a phony. I deserve nothing.
The relationship is the most sacred and the most important. Without it, there is nothing.
I'm going to try harder.
Psalm 91 1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a] 2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust." 3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence. 4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. 5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day, 6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday. 7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you. 8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked. 9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge- 10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent. 11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways; 12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. 13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent. 14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. 15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him. 16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."
Amazing.
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| It's been a really long and stressful day. However all the waiting paid off! I'd like to announce the birth of my cutey pie nephew, Joshua Chang!! He was 7.6 lbs and very healthy!! He's as cute as a button and had a little fro of hair! I am really happy and would like to say, he was a stubborn little one.. my sister was in labor for about a day, and finally he decided to come out on Dec 27th at 4:26PM
I'm so happy!!!! 
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